Brave

Happy Easter! Frohe Ostern!  It is safe to say spring has arrived in Berlin and the winter won't be coming back any time soon.  Happy dance!  After another half term filled with storytelling and puppet shows, I am now well into my two week spring break.

On the last day before the holiday break, I raced from school to the airport to fly to Siena, Italy.  Siena is a very small close-knit community and I enjoyed my time there making new friends, walking on the cobblestone streets, and eating delicious Italian food.  One sunny day, we decided to climb up the Torre del Mangia, a tower in the middle of Siena with spectacular views of the town and the Tuscan countryside.  I could only imagine taking my mom and her two sisters up this steep 500 stair climb to the top of the tower.  The combination of their fears of heights, birds, and confined spaces would be lethal!  At one point, as we cautiously paced back down the narrow steps, a pigeon flapped right past our faces.  I'm pretty sure you could hear our screams throughout the entire tower!

My mom's worst nightmare!

Worth it! View of Siena, Italy

Once I returned from Italy, I quickly repacked my bags with sports gear, hiking boots, and trail mix and set off by bus to the border of Germany and Czech Republic.  I spent two days exploring through and climbing mountains in the Nationalpark Sächsische Schweiz.  I was in my element!  To sum up this trip in one word: Breath-taking. We climbed a trillion stairs, went up steep ladders, and wedged between rocks in order to have endless views of sandstone cliffs and German farmland and countryside.  Again, I thought of people who would miss out experiencing this absolute splendour because of their fears.  Pictures just don't do it justice!

One of the less scary ladders we climbed

Bastei Bridge

Narrow paths between the sandstone rocks

I have recently been reflecting on the time when I first moved to Berlin.  Not going to lie, it was scary and stressful.  The weeks leading up to the move and the first weeks in Berlin were frightening.  I didn't have a clue on how to do things like set up a bank account, find an apartment, navigate the train systems, or register for a work visa and residence permit among other things in a foreign country.  I was basically stranded in my apartment for the first day as I had no internet, phone, map, or way of communicating with those around me.  Some people back home told me they wanted to live vicariously through me for they would be too scared to ever do something like that themselves. They called me brave.  Heck no!  I did not feel brave.  I would say a greater hand was guiding me through what seemed like an impossible task at the time.  I had a tremendous amount of peace that the Lord would provide for me and He did. BIG TIME!

Here are some present day examples of bravery from many different people in my life:

- those who will be moving or have moved to foreign places like Guatemala, Uganda, Costa Rica, and China longterm to disciple the nations, bring justice to the poor, and love their neighbours

- those who are fighting through difficult seasons with the trust and faith that good things will come out of it

- those who are just about to get married or have children

- those in full time ministry who solely rely on financial support through the generous donations of others

- those who ALWAYS tithe and give offerings faithfully and generously on a consistent basis

- those who are just beginning their faith journey

There are moments when I don't feel audacious or confident, my fears get the best of me and I'd rather hold onto my comforts in my own little bubble.  Then I think of my walk of faith and how through Jesus, I have been moving toward being more courageous rather than timid every day.  The things that us Christ followers do that seem adventurous, brave, a little out there  or *cough* CRAZY reflect God's goodness and the favour He wants to pour out on our lives.  When you live out His will over your life and rely on His strength and promises (not your own), amazing things you never thought possible could happen.  This post is inspired by Bethel Music's new single, You Make Me Brave, from their soon-to-be released album.  

You make me brave

You make me brave

You call me out beyond the shore into the waves

You make me brave

You make me brave

No fear can hinder now the promises you made

You Make Me Brave - Bethel Music ft. Amanda Cook

You can also listen to the full album here

Peace & love

It's a Mystery to Me

Yes I know I haven't updated my blog in months.  I do apologize that I haven't shared bits of my life on here.  Quick update, I had a great Christmas with my family who came to visit me.  I had fun watching my Dad's fascination with the train systems in Europe and my brother's fascination with the gross Bier in Germany.  Needless to say, school has consumed my life in the beginning weeks of this new term.  I probably should be doing something on my massive to-do list rather than writing this blog such as writing report cards, planning a class assembly, or organizing a school charity event.  I have been laying low over the last month but here's a note to say that I'm still alive and kicking.

Last week, I was sent home sick for two days.  I left suddenly without informing my students of me being ill.  As soon as I left, rumours spread like wildfire in my class that I had gone back to Uganda.  (Not a bad assumption.  Just a little farfetched).  The following day, word had it that I was sick... with the Ugandan flu.  (I will give my students credit for understanding how much I love Uganda).  From all of this, I have come to the conclusion that my students find my life incredibly enthralling.   I beg to differ but evidence of their intrigue in my personal life proves differently.

I have had many encounters of genuine yet intrusive questionings with my students in the last while.  They are smart enough to know I don't live at the school (even though some days that seems to be the only place I find myself at).  I don't blame them for their curiosity though.  I mean I spend a lot of time with them.  I always was excited to see or hear about my teachers outside of school life.  I remember when my elementary school music teacher was on my parents' baseball team.  It was like heaven coming to earth.  Coolest thing ever in the eyes of a six year old.  Wouldn't my students want to inquire into the mysterious life of their teacher just a little bit? I mean, they are at an IB school after all.

Here are some prodding interrogating scenes from my life as a primary teacher:

The Classic:  "How old are you?"
I have managed to keep this one a secret and intend to keep it that way.  They have tried to ask me what year I was born but they are smart enough to calculate that out now.  Guesses range from ages 16 to 38.  My partner teacher was not so lucky on this one.  One teacher let it slip in front of some students and by lunchtime all the kids had it stamped into their brains.  She received  a lovely card reminding her of her age on her birthday in big bright numbers!

"Do you live in a house or in a hotel?"

"Are you married?"
Now imagine getting asked this question while in the middle of leading a whole school assembly by yourself, with parents present.  THAT HAPPENED!

"But I thought you were a mom?"
Me:  "Where on earth did you get that absurd idea from?"
Student:  "You showed us pictures of your son."
Me:  (pause) "Oh, you mean my sponsor child."
Student:  "What is a sponsor child?"
Me:  "It's where I give donations to a child in another country who needs some help to live.  So I guess he is kind of like my son.  I see what you mean now."
Student: "But he came from your tummy right?"
Me: (face palm)

So this might be hilarious and all but it does give us a bit of a lesson, doesn't it?  Clearly my students are watching my every move.  It reminded me of a professor I had in University.  She once asked our class what we thought her religion was.  After an uncomfortable silence, my classmates began to shout out "Buddhist", "humanist", and "Atheist" among other things.   A shock to some, the woman shared with us that she was a Christian.  No one guessed that.  This got me thinking what would happen if I were to ask this question to anyone I knew.  Would they confidently be able to tell me that they knew I was a Christian?  Is it easy to see through my actions and words, that I live a life that reflects the very essence of Jesus and His ministry on Earth?  I wonder if there is a huge question mark when it comes to how I live my life.  I would be devastated to think that no one outside of the church knew what I believed.  It would be as if I was missing the whole point all along.  To follow Jesus is to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with Jesus. (Micah 6:8).  It is to freely forgive one another and offer grace and mercy where you might think it shouldn't ever be given. (Ephesians 4:32) It is to turn the other cheek when you are being persecuted for what you believe in (Luke 6:29).  It is to step away from the things of this world and draw close to those things that are good, perfect and acceptable (Romans 12:2).  It is to live in utter surrender to a God that is both an almighty protector and a gentle compassionate friend  (Deuteronomy 33:27).  It is to not partake in unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them and be a lamp that shines Light into those dark places (Ephesians 5:11 & Luke 8:16).  A life of following Jesus should not be a mystery and that's my application for you.

Peace & love

The Cradle

There is a train in Berlin that circles around the outskirts of the city centre, hence the name "ring-bahn".  I live on the western end of the ring while my friend Rike lives on the eastern end.  Needless to say it is a long ride from my place to hers.  You encounter quite a change of scenery when you go on that train as it journeys from district to district.  You also observe a real collection of eclectic colourful people and when I say colourful, read: blue-green-purple mohawked.   Today as I sat on my seat balancing my guitar between my knees and listening to my Ipod on the Ring-bahn, I see this very drunk old scruffy-looking man come onto the train.  He sits one row of seats in front of me, back-to-me, and I see the eyes of the children sitting by him go wide-eyed on their now pale little faces as the man yells loudly at many different people on the train all the while laughing hysterically.  Eventually, he ends up sitting right across from me as I'm sure the parent of the children kindly but firmly instructed him to move.  I stared out the window and made no eye contact as this man swigging back his bottle of vodka with a broken bottleneck laughed obnoxiously.  I knew he said a few things to me, not that I could understand his slurred German words, but I think the comments had to do with my awkward large guitar case and requests for me to play music.  And then all of the sudden, he just started to cry, tears streaming down his face as he clutched onto his broken almost empty bottle.  This man is broken.  This man is alone in a train full of people.  I so desperately wanted to hug this man, hold his hand and tell him he is worth it but I couldn't.  I was frightened of what he might have happened if I did and I had the lame excuse that I wouldn't be able to communicate with him.  I could have punched myself for ignoring this man.  Who am I some self-righteous snob?  The train jolted and his bottles clunked to the floor.  The young man sitting next to him, who obviously had enough at this point, picked up the bottles and dumped the remainder of the contents out the window and I stepped off the train onto the platform as if it never happened.

I've recently started a new daily devotions.  Part of the devotion is dedicated to praying for the church.  The other day as I was praying for the church and its people I got this picture of a cradle.  The cradle was nurturing God's children.  The cradle was caring for the orphaned, widowed, slaved, powerless, ill, homeless, oppressed.  Do you want to know what the cradle symbolized?  THE CHURCH!!!  ME!!!!  A baby cannot survive on its own.  It needs to be loved, educated, supported, raised, protected, encouraged, looked after, discipled and cradled.  The cradle is in works all of the time, not some of the time when it's most convenient for us or doesn't require much sacrifice, effort or risk.  As I think back to the situation on the train today, I see one example where it doesn't always come easy for me to care for God's children.  It's not something I can do on my own so openly and freely.  It takes a lot of boldness and courage.  Though in these acts, the greatness of the Kingdom shines through.  We are meant to live in relationship with one another.  We are meant to get down and messy in other people's lives.   Church let's get to work. Church let's become a spiritual family for one another.

Again back to the devotions I'm doing.  Every week there is a different hymn to focus on.  The one from this week seems very fitting.

  I like this version -->  Come Thou Long Expected Jesus - Kings Kaleidoscope

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

Peace & love

Being Reduced to an "It"

Let me tell you one of the many reasons I joined this profession was my utmost intolerance for bullying and disrespect amongst children.  I make it a hidden agenda to deflate any child's view that others are inferior to them or that some tasks are just too beneath their status.  Those are absolutely disgusting thoughts and believe me this change of mind set is not an easy fix. I bet you can think back to your childhood and think of a time you were bullied.  I definitely can.  Look back to your childhood and think of a time that you were the bully.  I definitely can.

What do you think of when I say the word bully?  Is it some stereotypical caricature of a large tough male student who steals lunches and beats the little children up?  Guess what... that is a really shallow view.  Read Odd Girl Speaks Out  by Rachel Simmons to see the expanded image of bullies.    

"Bullying is a conscious, wilful, and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm" Kidsareworthit.com

The above quote comes from one of my heroes, Barbara Coloroso.  Read her books.  Go to her conferences.  She hits it home.  Coloroso states that bullying is a way of dehumanizing people.  What does that mean? A bully treats their victim as if their victim is an "it", a thing that can not feel emotion or has no voice or power of their own.  When you dehumanize someone, you are demonstrating that this person has no worth or value.  Now I know I might be sounding very dramatic or exaggerative here but look up the story of Reena Virk, a student in Victoria, BC who was killed by a group of middle school girls or watch the documentary Bully.  (I bawled through the entire thing.)  Bullying is real and the mistreatment does not end when children end their schooling.  It is all around us.  For example: sexual harassment, hazing, bribery, violent threats, physical, mental and emotional abuse, cyber bullies, racist or sexist demonstrations, derogatory terms used, gossip and rumours... shall I go on?  

Again it comes back to demolishing this view that we are somehow superior to other people and able to walk all over them and treat them like dirt scum.  As Coloroso puts it, bullying leads to hate crime which leads to genocide.  The three have the same underlying reason: lack of compassion and demoralizing people to an "it", creating this idea that it's acceptable to harm and hurt others.  Prime example: Northern Ugandan child soldiers who were bullied and manipulated to witness, experience and do awful things.  These young cherished children were mistreated and forced to partake in a genocide or fall victim to the genocide.

I'm trying to wrap my head around this and think of some new innovative idea that will change the face of bullying forever.  All I can come up with is the Christianese slap-it-on-a-bumper-sticker answer of loving your neighbour as yourself.  Don't roll you eyes and say "that's nice".  Jesus commanded this for a reason.  Think about it. What would the world look like, if everyone actually did try to live out this command?  I think their would be a lot less bullying, injustice and hate crime going on in the world.  How would the world look if we taught and modelled to children respect, compassion, and acceptance of neighbours, coworkers, or the employee at the restaurant that screwed up the meal order?  As it was put in the documentary Bully, "It's time to take a stand." Friends let's live out the words of Jesus and be kind, caring and respectful to one another.

peace & love

If you would like to know more about what the heck I am talking about here are some useful resources.

Barbara Coloroso's kidsareworthit

Odd Girl Speaks Out by Rachel Simmons

Bully documentary

WITS anti-bullying program

story of Reena Virk

Pink Shirt Day Anti-bullying awareness

Restore Northern Uganda Documentary with some very graphic stories of child soldiers

Roles of a Teacher

Okay I have been terrible at keeping up my blog.  Time is just going way too fast and before I know it, it will be end of term and Christmas holidays will begin.

To think two weeks ago, I was exploring the terrain of the beautiful country of Norway.  Three of my teacher friends and I road-tripped/ferried up to Norway from Germany on our half-term break.  We had a lot of fun just driving, eating and exploring through Norway.

Some highlights include:
-  our day drive up to Norway, where we had breakfast in Copenhagen, Denmark, lunch in Gothenburg, Sweden, and dinner in Drammen, Norway.  If I had a bucket list, that one would be crossed off.

- our cheap yet fantastic accommodations
including a 3-bedroom, two-story holiday apartment with a sauna
- seeing the Watoto Children's Choir Concert and catching up with a friend from Uganda.
- driving through a 25 km tunnel to an isolated mountainous village
- taking in the winter and autumn seasons in one day

We also booked a 20 hour cruise from Oslo, Norway to Kiel, Germany.  We initially thought

we had booked a plain old boring ferry so we were quite excited when we discovered we booked a cruise.  That excitement soon ended as we all got extremely sea sick.  Did you hear about those travel warnings due to severe weather that were sent out in England around October 25th?  Well, we hit that storm full on in open ocean.  I'll spare the details but was quite glad to be off that ship the following morning.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the time off that I had.  Now I am back into full swing school mode.  I have realized more and more everyday of the many roles I take on, roles that my teaching degree never taught me.  So I began to compile a list of the many tasks I do as a teacher that are more or less directly related to teaching.

Roles:

Mother - It's a given really, especially with 7 year olds.

First Aid Attendant - Most injuries that happen on the playground will instantly be healed with an icepack or a band-aid.

Mediator - Someone has to sort out the playground conflicts.

Interrogator/Detective - Ok this sounds a lot more awful than what I'm getting at here.  Someone needs to get to the bottom of incidents that occur, and hear both sides of the story to sort out truth from fib.

Play-write/Director/Producer - Lately, I have been writing a play for my class to do in the winter concert and soon we will begin rehearsals.

Website-designer - So pumped that my class blog will soon be launched!

Photographer - See some of my photos of the children's artwork they did making patterns using objects found in nature.

Actor - Sometimes I have to pretend I'm really upset about something when I secretly think the student's idea was ingeniously hilarious.

Tour Guide - Actually, this one is not my strong point.  My class just began swimming lessons this week at the Olympic Stadium pool, which is a quick bus ride away from the school.  We got to the pool and I didn't know how to get into the building.  I told my students that they would be the teacher today and they were in charge of leading the way.  They thought this was the best thing ever.  Pretty sure the bus driver thought I was a fruitcake.

Interior Designer - There is an never-ending battle of finding places to put up students' work on limited wall space.

Public Speaker - Next week I will be leading my first whole school assembly.  Yikes!

Activist - It's really cool how schools can have a huge impact on raising awareness and promoting proactivity to children on charitable and ethical issues.

Exterminator - Today a student came in screaming my name because she had a giant wasp attached to her shirt and was too afraid to brush it off.

There are many many more roles that teachers have that I haven't even touched on.  Believe me, I am dead when I come home from work everyday but it has been soooooooo worth it.

Peace & love

Thankful

Autumn is my best season.  I love the crispness of the air, and the burst of earthy tones from the forest of maple trees.  I love wearing warm scarves and leather boots with wool socks underneath.  Autumn is absolutely spectacular at home in Canada.  I am lucky that here in Berlin, I get a beautiful autumn as well.  However there is one thing about a Canadian fall that Germany just doesn't quite live up to.  This is the first year I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving, the best holiday of the year.  There is nothing like a delicious turkey dinner complete with good friends, family and pumpkin pie!  It's times like these that make me really homesick.  I said "Happy Thanksgiving" to my one Canadian friend here today and then ate a turkey sandwich with dried cranberries for lunch.  I'm not going to make this a whine session for this holiday is centred on gratitude and thankfulness throughout the year, and I can honestly say that I have much to be thankful for this year.




I am thankful for... the help I received last year in packing up to move out of Victoria.  This includes all of the people who helped me move my boxes to the Olsen's home, the kind man at the liquor store who let me take a whole bunch of boxes for free and the Olsens for storing my things last fall. Also it includes my dad for driving 20 hours (both ways) to Victoria with a trailer to move all of my things up to store at home this summer.

I am thankful for... the six months I lived in Uganda.  I could probably write a novel on how thankful I am for the amazing friends I met, places I saw, and things I got to do.  I have learned and grown so much and continue to do so since my time there.

I am thankful for... the opportunity to meet my sponsor child and develop a friendship with this incredible 8 year old Ugandan boy.  He has so much favour on his life.  It's amazing to think that I just chose a picture of a child when I decided to sponsor a child but I know deep down there was no coincidence about that.  I was meant to sponsor him and be a part of his life.

I am thankful for...  my baptism last fall at my home church in Victoria.  I sobbed buckets and am forever grateful for all the people who came to witness.  With that step I took in publicly expressing my faith, I never would have imagined the blessings that would come out of that.

I am thankful for... a random email last February that lead to my application and acceptance to teach full-time grade 2 at an international school in Berlin. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!

I am thankful for... being able to spend time with the people I love most for the month and a half I was in Canada for.  I got to catch up with my buds in Victoria, do very Canadian things like fishing, camping, and hiking with my family in my hometown, and go visit my Grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins in Manitoba.

I am thankful for... the smooth transition to Berlin.  It's difficult to move to a new place, let alone a new country.  I literally have a drawer filled with different documents and paperwork that I had to get for the various things I needed to live in Germany.  I live in a beautiful apartment next to a palace!

I am thankful for... the new friends that throw birthday parties, go to Oktoberfest with me, experience a dinner in the dark or attend my new home group.  Also I'm so thankful for the fit-for-me church community I can now call home in Berlin.  God was right when He called me a moron for not believing that I would have a loving, fun and caring community in Berlin.

I am thankful for... Skype and other means of communication to back home throughout this year.  Today I was able to Skype with my family before their thanksgiving celebration began.

I am thankful for... my family coming to Berlin for the Christmas holidays!!! I can't wait!

But most importantly I am thankful for the favour I have had upon my life this year.  I have seen His hand guiding me to new and exciting places that have exceeded my expectations.

        Come, thou Fount of every blessing, 
        tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
        streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
        call for songs of loudest praise. 
        Teach me some melodious sonnet, 
        sung by flaming tongues above. 
        Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 
        mount of thy redeeming love.   ~~~~  Come thou Fount

                            HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM BERLIN!!!!

Peace & love

Blessed are those who mourn

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  I used to think that this meant that you will feel good after a really awful experience of pain and sorrow. THAT'S FALSE!  As I have discovered, this actually means that we have to develop the attitude of mourning.  You might be thinking, "Why the heck would I want to mope around in a gloomy depressing state?  That doesn't sound like much of a blessing!"  Just listen to me for a minute.  Mourn means to express grief, sorrow or regret.  This beatitude actually means that Jesus wants us to express sorrow for those things that upset Him such as the sin in us that distances us from God, the persecuted church, and the injustice and corruption of the world.

Since my return from Uganda, I cry a lot!  The slightest thing will trigger it and I just sob uncontrollably for sometimes up to an hour.  The last episode hit this weekend when I decided to watch Machine Gun Preacher.  Yaaa...  that was a little too close to home for me but don't worry about me.  I'm not going through an emotional crisis.  I just hurt for a nation.  I ache for a people.  I cry over the brokenness in the world.  Everything just seems so much more real now that I have seen such an extremity of poverty, corruption, and injustice with my own two eyes.  I have friends that have overcome such terrible things in their lives and I utterly detest the fact that this has happened to them and these things still continue to go on.  I hate the ignorance of "the western world" in the hurt and destruction that continues around the world, even the hurt  and destruction within their own countries.


Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." -
Mother Teresa 





one of the pictures and quotes that triggered a crying episode











This last week, I have reflected upon my crying episodes and realized that something in me has changed since I left Uganda.  I now mourn over the world.  Before Uganda, I was so passionate about social justice, loving my neighbour and bringing the Kingdom to a tainted world but not to the point where I would be angry or visibly upset about it.  I now understand the beatitude of mourning.   The only true comfort comes from the promise of eternal life.  Think about it.  Heaven is going to rock!! Oppression and disease will be nonexistent and it will a huge party with all these incredible people that you have met and loved throughout your life.  Plus Jesus will be there!

Another thing I've been wrestling with is where am I supposed to be reaching out to right now.   I miss the Mustard Seed Street Church community in Victoria and it drives me bonkers that I can't converse with the homeless people here in Berlin the way I used to in Victoria.  Another adjustment I am finding hard to cope with is going to church once a week with a small Bible study group once a week as well.  In Uganda, I was at church every single day and at home, I had a key to the church to get in whenever I wanted!  I am coming to the understanding that right now in my life, I am not able to go to church that often, that I have a job that I need to invest time into which is where I am needed, and that I am unable at the moment to dive into the ministries that I used to partake in.  I have been meditating on the verse James 1:27 which says that the religion God finds faultless is the one that looks after the orphan and widow in their distress and refrains from being polluted by worldly things.  This has been frustrating to me as I have been relearning and rediscovering ways to do that in this new environment.  I can't serve the same way I did in my previous homes and that irks me, however at the same time it excites me to know that I am being moulded here into a new role as a disciple.

Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't exactly have a solution or inspirational message to leave you with either.  I guess we just can't assume that God will always use us in the same way our whole lives.  We can compare ourselves to how we used to serve God and beat ourselves up over it but that's not what He wants.  He asks of us to serve even the smallest cup of water with a smile to show the greatness of the Kingdom ~Matthew 10:42 and He asks of us to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.

Song of the day is from a worship leader in Victoria--> We are the Church by Fraser Campbell

Peace & love