Blessed are those who mourn

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  I used to think that this meant that you will feel good after a really awful experience of pain and sorrow. THAT'S FALSE!  As I have discovered, this actually means that we have to develop the attitude of mourning.  You might be thinking, "Why the heck would I want to mope around in a gloomy depressing state?  That doesn't sound like much of a blessing!"  Just listen to me for a minute.  Mourn means to express grief, sorrow or regret.  This beatitude actually means that Jesus wants us to express sorrow for those things that upset Him such as the sin in us that distances us from God, the persecuted church, and the injustice and corruption of the world.

Since my return from Uganda, I cry a lot!  The slightest thing will trigger it and I just sob uncontrollably for sometimes up to an hour.  The last episode hit this weekend when I decided to watch Machine Gun Preacher.  Yaaa...  that was a little too close to home for me but don't worry about me.  I'm not going through an emotional crisis.  I just hurt for a nation.  I ache for a people.  I cry over the brokenness in the world.  Everything just seems so much more real now that I have seen such an extremity of poverty, corruption, and injustice with my own two eyes.  I have friends that have overcome such terrible things in their lives and I utterly detest the fact that this has happened to them and these things still continue to go on.  I hate the ignorance of "the western world" in the hurt and destruction that continues around the world, even the hurt  and destruction within their own countries.


Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." -
Mother Teresa 





one of the pictures and quotes that triggered a crying episode











This last week, I have reflected upon my crying episodes and realized that something in me has changed since I left Uganda.  I now mourn over the world.  Before Uganda, I was so passionate about social justice, loving my neighbour and bringing the Kingdom to a tainted world but not to the point where I would be angry or visibly upset about it.  I now understand the beatitude of mourning.   The only true comfort comes from the promise of eternal life.  Think about it.  Heaven is going to rock!! Oppression and disease will be nonexistent and it will a huge party with all these incredible people that you have met and loved throughout your life.  Plus Jesus will be there!

Another thing I've been wrestling with is where am I supposed to be reaching out to right now.   I miss the Mustard Seed Street Church community in Victoria and it drives me bonkers that I can't converse with the homeless people here in Berlin the way I used to in Victoria.  Another adjustment I am finding hard to cope with is going to church once a week with a small Bible study group once a week as well.  In Uganda, I was at church every single day and at home, I had a key to the church to get in whenever I wanted!  I am coming to the understanding that right now in my life, I am not able to go to church that often, that I have a job that I need to invest time into which is where I am needed, and that I am unable at the moment to dive into the ministries that I used to partake in.  I have been meditating on the verse James 1:27 which says that the religion God finds faultless is the one that looks after the orphan and widow in their distress and refrains from being polluted by worldly things.  This has been frustrating to me as I have been relearning and rediscovering ways to do that in this new environment.  I can't serve the same way I did in my previous homes and that irks me, however at the same time it excites me to know that I am being moulded here into a new role as a disciple.

Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't exactly have a solution or inspirational message to leave you with either.  I guess we just can't assume that God will always use us in the same way our whole lives.  We can compare ourselves to how we used to serve God and beat ourselves up over it but that's not what He wants.  He asks of us to serve even the smallest cup of water with a smile to show the greatness of the Kingdom ~Matthew 10:42 and He asks of us to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.

Song of the day is from a worship leader in Victoria--> We are the Church by Fraser Campbell

Peace & love

Back to School

I survived my first back to school week. This week has come along with much learning and adjustment in a new work environment as well as aching feet, a dry throat and early bedtimes.  It's almost surreal to think that I have my very own set of students and classroom for an entire year.

My little year 3 students are wonderful and I am excited to get to work with them throughout this year.  We have a little United Nations in our classroom with children from Germany, England, Russia, Korea, Malawi, Namibia, Turkey, etc.  As a class, we discovered that we speak fourteen languages in total ranging from Hebrew to Mandarin to French.  Think about it, these kids are seven years old and some of them can speak four languages fluently.  INCREDIBLE!



A little background information on how my school is set up.  I am working at a school that has been implementing the English National Curriculum but due to a more internationally diverse student population, the school is in a transition year moving to the PYP, Primary Years Program, from the International Baccalaureate curriculum.  I have ten students that make up my class however I actually have a shared room and team-teach with the other Year 3 teacher.  This means that our class consists of twenty children in all. (I'm spoiled, I know!)  My partner teacher and myself do all our planning, assessment, and preparation together and we treat our two classes as one set of Year 3's.  It's fantastic to be able to bounce ideas off another professional and have the chance to really differentiate our lessons for the benefit of our students.  Most often we divide the class into ability groups and teach them separately.  I have been sooooo thankful for my partner teacher this week with all the help to my numerous questions and her wonderful ideas on how to facilitate a class.  This comes in handy when I need to answer general inquiries from parents.  There are so many things to take note of at a school, there is no possible way that you could know it all right away... or ever.  I know I will learn heaps this year and hope that my students will learn the same amount if not more than I this year.


One could say that I am slowly but surely adapting to the European life.  I have more than three types of cheese in my fridge, none of which are cheddar.  I seldom leave my home wearing sweatpants.  I ring the bell on my bike when pedestrians cross into the bike lane.  I know where the nudist section at the park is.  (That one I found out by accident as I was exploring through the trails at Tiergarten this weekend.  Scarred for life!)  I shop for produce in Turkish Markets and I only wear my runners when I'm exercising.  Don't get me wrong, I still stick out with my heavy Canadian accent.  Even when I

attempt to speak German, I get a response back in English.  Even though I am adjusting to a new lifestyle here in Berlin, I am so thankful for a God that remains constant, someone I can rely on entirely and trust His being does not change whether I am in Germany, Uganda, Canada, a classroom, a church service or on a train.  I have been reminded this week that I am not of this world but placed in it for greater purposes beyond my knowledge and understanding.  Yes, there are times I just want to rip my hair out and go back to a place that is more familiar to me but all in all, I do have a peace in my heart that for this season in  time, I am meant to be here.

"I pray for them. I'm not praying for the God-rejecting world But for those you gave me, For they are yours by right.  Everything mine is yours, and yours mine, And my life is on display in them.  For I'm no longer going to be visible in the world; They'll continue in the world While I return to you. Holy Father, guard them as they pursue this life That you conferred as a gift through me, So they can be one heart and mind as we are one heart and mind. As long as I was with them, I guarded them In the pursuit of the life you gave through me; I even posted a night watch. And not one of them got away, Except for the rebel bent on destruction (the exception that proved the rule of Scripture).  Now I'm returning to you. I'm saying these things in the world's hearing So my people can experience My joy completed in them.  I gave them your word; The godless world hated them because of it, Because they didn't join the world's ways, just as I didn't join the world's ways. I'm not asking that you take them out of the world But that you guard them from the Evil One.  They are no more defined by the world Than I am defined by the world.  Make them holy - consecrated - with the truth; Your word is consecrating truth.  In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world.  I'm consecrating myself for their sakes So they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission." John 17: 9-19

I will leave you with You Never Fail off of Hillsong's new album. Also, as I edit through this post, I realize there is quite a lot of teacher jargon.  My apologies!

Peace & love