Since my return from Uganda, I cry a lot! The slightest thing will trigger it and I just sob uncontrollably for sometimes up to an hour. The last episode hit this weekend when I decided to watch Machine Gun Preacher. Yaaa... that was a little too close to home for me but don't worry about me. I'm not going through an emotional crisis. I just hurt for a nation. I ache for a people. I cry over the brokenness in the world. Everything just seems so much more real now that I have seen such an extremity of poverty, corruption, and injustice with my own two eyes. I have friends that have overcome such terrible things in their lives and I utterly detest the fact that this has happened to them and these things still continue to go on. I hate the ignorance of "the western world" in the hurt and destruction that continues around the world, even the hurt and destruction within their own countries.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." -
Mother Teresa
one of the pictures and quotes that triggered a crying episode
This last week, I have reflected upon my crying episodes and realized that something in me has changed since I left Uganda. I now mourn over the world. Before Uganda, I was so passionate about social justice, loving my neighbour and bringing the Kingdom to a tainted world but not to the point where I would be angry or visibly upset about it. I now understand the beatitude of mourning. The only true comfort comes from the promise of eternal life. Think about it. Heaven is going to rock!! Oppression and disease will be nonexistent and it will a huge party with all these incredible people that you have met and loved throughout your life. Plus Jesus will be there!
Another thing I've been wrestling with is where am I supposed to be reaching out to right now. I miss the Mustard Seed Street Church community in Victoria and it drives me bonkers that I can't converse with the homeless people here in Berlin the way I used to in Victoria. Another adjustment I am finding hard to cope with is going to church once a week with a small Bible study group once a week as well. In Uganda, I was at church every single day and at home, I had a key to the church to get in whenever I wanted! I am coming to the understanding that right now in my life, I am not able to go to church that often, that I have a job that I need to invest time into which is where I am needed, and that I am unable at the moment to dive into the ministries that I used to partake in. I have been meditating on the verse James 1:27 which says that the religion God finds faultless is the one that looks after the orphan and widow in their distress and refrains from being polluted by worldly things. This has been frustrating to me as I have been relearning and rediscovering ways to do that in this new environment. I can't serve the same way I did in my previous homes and that irks me, however at the same time it excites me to know that I am being moulded here into a new role as a disciple.
Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't exactly have a solution or inspirational message to leave you with either. I guess we just can't assume that God will always use us in the same way our whole lives. We can compare ourselves to how we used to serve God and beat ourselves up over it but that's not what He wants. He asks of us to serve even the smallest cup of water with a smile to show the greatness of the Kingdom ~Matthew 10:42 and He asks of us to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.
Song of the day is from a worship leader in Victoria--> We are the Church by Fraser Campbell
Peace & love